Too Risky for Restorative? What School Leaders Need to Know Before Moving Forward

Let’s be real—some incidents in your school will have you thinking, “This feels too big for a restorative circle.” Maybe there was a serious fight. Maybe one student is still denying what happened. Or maybe the adults around you are worried it’ll blow up—and you’ll be the one held responsible if it does.

I hear these concerns all the time from school leaders: “What if this is too serious for a restorative conversation?” “What if someone gets hurt again?” “What if it goes badly and I’m blamed?”

These are valid questions. You’re doing your best to keep students and staff safe while trying to move Restorative Practices forward in your school.  The good news? Most risks can be anticipated and managed with the right approach—and they should be. Because if your school truly values restorative practices, then every student and staff member deserves to be offered  a safe, high-quality restorative process, even when the situation feels complex.

What Makes a Restorative Conversation Risky?

Here’s something that might surprise you: it’s not the type of incident that makes a restorative conversation risky—it’s the people involved.

That insight comes from Professor Joanna Shapland and her research team, and it really shifts how we think about readiness. A fight with serious injuries, a racial slur, a theft —those things might sound serious on paper, but they don’t automatically mean restorative is off the table. What matters more is who’s involved, how they’re showing up, and how well the process is supported.

It’s not as much about if you hold the meeting—but more about how you prepare for it that matters most.

According to researchers, these are the most common risk factors that can make a restorative conversation more challenging:

• Communication difficulties due to language, developmental needs, or disability

• Denial of responsibility, or even when a student minimizes their actions

• Potential for coercion, especially if one student has threatened or intimidated the other

• Lack of genuine intent, especially when a student isn’t ready or is flat out refusing to have a respectful, honest dialogue

When Is It the Right Time?

There are two essential questions to ask:

1. Are both students willing to participate—without pressure or coercion? If one student is using the process to manipulate, control, or threaten the other—or if staff or parents are pushing it too hard—stop. The process must be truly voluntary.

2. Is the student who caused harm taking some level of responsibility? They don’t need to be fully remorseful, but they can’t be denying that harm happened. If they are, the circle will likely turn into an argument. In that case, pause. Do more fact-finding first, and consider involving parents in a larger, more supported process.

What’s the Risk of Not Restoring?

This is often overlooked, especially in schools.

If we skip the restorative process, the conflict doesn’t go away—it just shifts underground or online. That fight between students? It might happen again—this time bigger, messier, maybe with suspensions or arrests. That tension between two teen girls? Without a space to talk, it can spill onto social media, drag in parents, and escalate fast—sometimes into threats or long-term feuds.

As one practitioner put it: “The risk to themselves of not meeting the person who harmed them and not getting the chance to say what they needed to say was worse than the risk they were taking and possibly retraumatizing themselves.” (Scotland)

Niels Christie famously points out the “conflict is property,” and when we do restorative work in our schools we give the conflict back to the people involved, with support, so they can make sense of what happened and begin to resolve it. The key is making the process as safe as possible—which comes through thoughtful preparation, skilled facilitation, and holding space with care.

Giving students a safe space to speak and be heard can prevent cycles of harm—and in the end, save you a lot of time and headache.

Restorative Conversations Aren’t Always Comfortable—But They Should Feel Safe

It’s important to remember: feeling safe isn’t the same as feeling comfortable.

Being held accountable is uncomfortable. Facing the person who harmed you is uncomfortable. But these are also the moments where healing begins. Discomfort is part of the process—and it’s worth it.

What we can do is create a space that feels safe, where everyone is respected, seen, heard, and supported. A space where no one is coerced or silenced, and where truth can be spoken with care.

When we build that kind of environment, even the hardest conversations can lead to real repair and growth—for students, staff, and the whole school community.

How to Minimize Risk and Support a Safe Process

1. Start with Prep-WorkPrep-work is the one-on-one conversation you have with each person before the restorative meeting. It’s where you lay the groundwork—listen to their perspective, explain what to expect, and make sure they’re willing to participate. Ask what they need to feel safe, what they hope to get from the meeting, and what concerns they have. This is where most of the risk is addressed and safety is built. 

Prep-work helps you understand what kind of support each student needs and whether a restorative meeting is the right step—or if more time, clarity, or structure is needed first.

2. Be TransparentIf a student is minimizing or defensive, be honest with the other participant. For example: “Just so you’re aware, John is really struggling with this. He continues to say he didn’t mean it, or that people are taking his statement out of context. Do you still want to meet with him? Do you want him to hear your perspective—with our support?”

This kind of transparency honors students’ agency and helps them make an informed decision about moving forward.

It’s often surprising how students respond when they’re given a clear picture and a real choice. Some may still want to proceed, but with clear boundaries. Others may suggest writing letters, using a video, or talking indirectly through a supporter. That’s all restorative work too.

3. Offer Supporters Invite a trusted adult, teacher, counselor, or friend to join. Supporters help calm emotions, reinforce accountability, and create a sense of safety without taking over the conversation.

4. Set Clear Ground Rules Establish respectful dialogue norms during prep and again at the start of the meeting. Acknowledge power dynamics and plan for how to navigate them in the room.

5. Always Follow UpRestorative work is a process. Check in with students afterward to see how they’re doing, what they need next, and if everyone is honoring the agreements made in the circle.

The Bottom Line

You can absolutely hold restorative conversations in complex situations. In fact, you should! Prepare well, check in honestly with participants, and bring support. And if the answer is “not yet”—that’s okay too. Restorative work is always voluntary. That means it can wait until the students are ready, or take a different form.

As school leaders, your role isn’t to be perfect. It’s to be thoughtful, proactive, and guided by empathy. When you lead with curiosity, transparency, and compassion, restorative practices become safer, stronger, and more effective—even in tough moments.

Let’s keep creating school cultures where repair is possible, and where relationships matter—even when things go wrong.

REFERENCES

Christie, N. (1977). Conflicts as property, British Journal of Criminology, 17(1): 1- 15.

Scottish Government (2017) Delivery of restorative justice in Scotland: guidance. Edinburgh: Scottish Government, at https://www.gov.scot/publications/guidancedelivery-restorative-justice-scotland/pages/2/